The best way to highlight what limiting beliefs are is to give a real-world example. And that real-world example is me. Panic not! This is not my autobiography.
At some point in my life I got into a kind of catch-22. I thought people were acting in a particular way that didn’t serve me, so I acted in a particular way to try to get what I thought was fair. I then believed I had ruined relationships or burned bridges by my approach. Worse still, that these people would tell all and sundry about it. I thought I’d built a reputation that permanently held me back. I was ‘awfulising’ the situation.
Despite this people would appear in my life – old colleagues, customers and suppliers – either in their same position/company or at new ones. They would bring opportunity to me. They thought well of me – and told me so. In some cases, even sang my praises or offered me jobs. This emotional lift charged my batteries and I would restart. Yet, as I had settled in my head that I was a certain type who did certain things, the cycle would begin again.
There were certain events or meetings where I’d already made up my mind it was going to be a certain way. Or people would act in a certain way toward me. I was manifesting the outcome. I thought it would be crap, so I acted negatively and, surprise-surprise, I got a negative outcome.
I see now that I was stuck in self-sabotage. I would repeat the exercise. Even repeating the persona because that was what people expected anyway. Right?
Then it was back to a brief lick of the wounds and I would start over. Again, I would find people seeing me in a positive light, wanting to work with me, bringing me opportunities.
WTF was going on here? Why was this happening?
Looking back, I have realised a few things:
1. Whatever happened (or whatever I did) I would always be able to pick myself up again and get positive. I am resilient.
2. The people I was getting so wrapped up about actually didn’t care – or didn’t see things the same way I did.
3. Others were acting a certain way because of their map. My map was completely different yet, back then, my expectation was that others would be in tune with my map.
4. If you do a decent job. If you demonstrate your competency. If you approach an event or task with positivity – you will get so much value from it in so many ways.
5. It must be that I was doing the right thing – somewhere – otherwise why would people keep turning up and giving me the positive pep?
Years back, a colleague, if having a bad start to the day, would awfulise and say the day was ruined. My mantra to that person was ‘if you think something will be rubbish, then it probably will be’ or ‘just because X has happened that doesn’t mean everything else is ruined’. I would actively work to help pick that person up and give them the re-boot they needed.
I see now that I wasn’t practising what I preached. In my own life I didn’t vocalise my thoughts or feelings – I internalised them. The only perspective I had was mine. Had I vocalised my fears or misgivings someone may have given me the required re-boot.
Since going live with WithOutLimit one thing that has struck me is how many people have wished me well with the business. All these people – often the ones I’d awfulised about and was determined they thought poorly of me – have shown me how very wrong I was. They have sent me messages of support, best wishes and positive feedback.
With much investment in myself I learned to recognise my limiting beliefs and work with them. In an earlier article, Driven Bleating Mad, I wrote about a client stating he didn’t have a mental health problem. And that person didn’t. What they did have was elements of their persona which sabotaged them. Mental well-being – mindfulness – is about recognising the highs and the lows. The mind foibles. In this case my mind foible has been my limiting beliefs and subsequent self-sabotage.
So many people lead their lives not realising the reason they don’t achieve certain things is not down to the world around or circumstance. It is an unknown limiting belief. They unconsciously stop themselves – they self-sabotage – before the finish line.
My journey (a term I loathe thanks to the X-Factor) of realisation probably started in 2016. I underwent a series of unexpected events for a few years. At the time some seemed extremely negative. Some were positive. Yet the negatives started to bring positive outcomes. People appeared or reappeared. And I read. And I watched. And I listened. And I learned. In 2019 I hired a coach.
I can actually look back and, a bit like ‘the foot bone’s connected to the….leg bone’, I can see how every event or encounter gave me certain skills, knowledge, connections and experience which equipped me for the next event and beyond. I was building my mental muscle.
Even the coach arrived left field. I had searched online for a coach and reached out to a few. None replied. Then one appeared in a café near Farnham. They got hired!
If something in here resonates it could be worth enlisting a coach. A coach will help you realise those limiting beliefs and recognise the moments of self-sabotage. Be it your work life or personal life, a coach will get you building that mental muscle, will help end limiting beliefs, stop self-sabotage and get you to an enlightened, happier, place.
If you’d like to know a little more about what coaching can do for you then message me here on LinkedIn or contact me via my site, www.withoutlimit.co.uk.
WithOutLimit is a Career and Life Coaching Service. Created in Royal Berkshire, UK. Digitally delivered to the world.
PS. I am truly grateful to so many people who have touched my life in different ways. From those whom I thought I’d impacted negatively and surprised me with their immense generosity. To those who have been simply solid throughout. Thank you.
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